But apparently I am mighty good at it. I end up doing it more often than I would like.
I go to make a joke and turns out exactly the opposite of my intensions. I end up making 
one of my oldest friend's upset. Maybe I'm heartless. Maybe I really am heartless. 
I don't really see how it could have hurt anyone by my misunderstanding...so maybe 
that is what makes me heartless..by not seeing the point. I really do feel bad for upsetting
her and hurting her feelings. And I'm more sorry than you can imagine. 

Not really sure how i'm going to do this. I need to get out of this house but I just can't afford it until I get a car...Or fix this one. I really don't believe they are going to be able to fix it. And if not, they should give me a check for it, from what Deddy says. I'm feeling positive right now! If they give me a thousand, I may just try, get a loan for couple hundred and just buy a little honda or something. You know, it's something! I really want an Eclipse, but they are just wayyy too much for me to even consider at this point. Plus I have to some how get back into school. If not, that's my whole future. Maybe I should get a certificate in Medical billing, get on my feet and THEN go back to school. I could go in Charleston, like I wanted before. Buuuttt I wont be able to study in Germany. Not that I probably would anyway since I can't even pay the 2000 that I owe Greenville Tech. Eck. I wish the insurance company would come access the damage already so I can know whether I can get a new car now or wait a couple of months. this is rediculousss! Sooo I guess Monday is when they are coming after all. I would have been nice to know over the weekend. Whatev though. As long as they come Monday and possibly give us a check? lol

A girl can dream can't she? :)

So we got the retal car today. Mama gets to drive it since I'm not 21 yet. Laaame. But I'm thinking if they total the car I'm ging to try to get an Ecipse. They look so nice. I've found one that I really want. Its like a 2000 Eclipse, red. Manual. Nice. :D


Starting the new diet. Maybe this time I will actually stick to it.

How do I get rid of it? =[

He may be a drug addict, but he doesnt steal.
especially from his best friends. :[
i dont understand where she would even
get that from.

"settling" in a relationship. it's ruining your life, and their's.

NO gas money, no gas. Can't just get up and do whatever. I have to save what little gas I have to bring my mom and dad to work. One fucking car for three Fucking people. SON OF A BITCH. 

 it's been a really long time since i've cried myself to sleep. 
and to be honest, i dont even know what came over me last night.
i haven't been honest to God sad in so long...and it just came over me. 

I dont know, maybe i have been sad, i've just suppressed it for so long
that i dont even feel it anymore. I mean I do feel a bit numb these days. 
like i'm just fumbling through life, not living it. it's just sad cos I dont know
how to actually live it anymore. 



























i think i might volunteer.